Off-Script

You know those people who are good at winging things? Those people who can give presentations at the drop of a hat or instantly play a new sport well or disassemble and fix anything that breaks in their apartment? Well, I’m not one of those people. So I became a planner.

From the time I was in high school, I found security in lists, goals, and check-marks. I did well in school because I didn’t stay up all night writing papers. I planned and wrote ahead of time. When I was writing my thesis for my MA, I broke it down into bite-sized chunks and committed to write 2-3 hours a day for a couple of months and I finished early. Check check check. Planning allowed me anticipate an accomplishment, revel in it ahead of time, and feel like I had control over the future.

But what about when your present life has gone “off-script” – not according to plan?

I would say that these past three years have been that way. I didn’t expect for Albania to have earthquakes that would destroy parts of a nearby city and lead to feelings of helplessness and fear. I didn’t expect a global health crisis. I didn’t expect to develop an auto-immune disease. I didn’t think that I would have to live without roommates for a year in a new city. I had an imaginary future all planned out for these past years and it didn’t pan out at all like I thought.

But, in the midst of the chaos and lack of control over the future, I’ve begun to learn discernment.

What is discernment? It’s the ability to make good decisions. But more than that, I like the way Hannah Anderson describes it in her book as “a taste for God’s goodness.” What does it look like to – rather than simply develop a complicated plan for a future of obedience to God – to live each day in pursuit of His goodness in the world?

Here’s what I’ve realized about discernment these past months:

1- Discernment is not simply important for the big decisions but rather for the little everyday ones. The seemingly small decisions add up and make our lives what they are.

2- There are always more moving parts to a situation than we can see or anticipate.

3- It’s valuable to invite others who love you into the process of discernment. Often they are more clear-eyed.

4- The right thing to do is not necessarily the hard thing. It’s also not not the hard thing.

5- Any decision you make will help people, disappoint people, and burden people.

6- “A taste for God’s goodness” – like a taste for good coffee or wine - has to be developed. And it takes time.

So what ways has your life gone off-script during this past year or two? What skills and tools have you gathered to tackle the future you never expected?

With joy,

Annie