Are We There Yet?

I think anyone who has moved to a new country can relate to this. At what point will you feel you’ve arrived?

-Once you learn the language?

-Once you can understand and laugh at the jokes?

-Once you’ve been to a wedding and a funeral?

-Once you can cook new, locally-inspired foods?

-Once you know when certain fruits and vegetables are in season?

-Once you have a favorite restaurant where they recognize you?

-Once you have friends there who call you family?

-Once you are someone who other expats lean on for insights?

5 years into my time living in the Balkans (North Macedonia, and currently Albania) and I can tell you, I still feel this tension. On a daily basis, I still feel the need to prove myself: that I belong here. That I’m not ignorant of how this culture works. That I can build deep friendships here. That my cultural mishaps do not render my other attempts to show love and care as inadequate.

So I keep learning. I keep working on my Albanian language, reading books, practicing piano, picking up words in Romani, studying Trauma Counseling… I feel like I’m always just one step away from being the “better” version of me that I need to be to do life here.

How do I get off this treadmill of doubts? I want to keep building my life here, but can I trust that I actually belong here? I’ve searched and concluded that there’s nothing in myself to muster up this sense of belonging. Even the affirmations of friends can’t persuade me. The more they encourage, the more I question. And so, I pray.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for bringing me here and entrusting me with the responsibility of starting over in this place.

I thank you for your overwhelming grace each step of the way.

I pray for peace as I seek to live in a way that reflects your kingdom values.

I pray for a deeply rooted sense of belonging in YOU and in the place you’ve brought me to call home.

Please take away these daily doubts and overwhelm me with truth about who I am and who You are.

Amen.

With joy,

Annie